Author: Au’Pearce

I’m Over Hair… well at least mine

For so long I have wanted to cut my hair but was afraid that I would look crazy. I have been down the natural and textured journey-wait is there an in between. Well, earlier this year I texlaxed my hair and thought it was contribute to my sense of happiness but it did not. I texturized my dark hair tressed because I felt that it would increase the manageability of its natural state. Well, little did I know, that after all of these year-me being natural for over ten year-is that processed hair is no different. It takes TLC and is still time consuming. Going to the hair dressers every other week just to sit there for hours and allow someone else to fumble and fiddle around with your strands, not being sure that you will be satisfied with the result.

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Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, here stands a girl who is about to be bald?

These are my end results, with the exception of an inch or two from total baldness. I was hesitant to cut my hair at first, but when I sat back and thought about it, I envisioned myself to be in a revolving circle of asking myself the same question over and over again. Why in the heck to I want to hang onto a head full of damage hair. I did go back and forth for a matter of minutes and my husband telling me to sleep on it and not to making an rational decisions. Uh. I have been sleeping on this ideal for a couple of years now. I had even went out of the to by some expensive shears to assist in the process.

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I stood in the mirror trying to picture the end results. But then stopped overthinking because it would have only led me to putting the shears away and holding onto an impairable mane. I cut… I cut some more… and then some more… and before I know it all of my hair was in the sink and I was bald.

Its interesting because people are always going to look at your a certain way regardless of you hair texture or how long or short it is. When I cut my hair I did it for me. Not to please another person, not for medical reason, and not for the sake of doing something. I did it for who? ME. I felt a dire need to start fresh and anew and this is just a starting point, whose to know what’s to come next. I feel that my life can only get better and I am willing to take the necessary steps to get there. Yes, I was confident, beautiful, and a showstopper when I had hair, but guess what, I always had it covered up with some formality of a wig, which I am sure contributed to the damaging effect.

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Wigs and Weaves

I have so many wigs, because I am a person that gets bored with my hair. I have one wig to fit each of my moods and personalities. So, even though I am bald underneath, as I go on a healthy hair journey, thus engaging regularly hair maintenance for sustainability, wigs will continue to be my best friend, or not. It all depends on my mood that does, to where in some days they may change several times.

End Note…

I say this to say that, I know what I need to do to ensure my own happiness and do what is necessarily to leave a healthy and carefree life. Cutting my hair does not mean permanent baldness, kudos to those girls with short/bald craniums. I take my hat off to you for your bravery, as I have just joined that clan. Hair will grow back if you allow it and don’t continually cut it off. Baldness fits most people, if not all people. It is all about how you embrace it and rock it out. Hair does not define a person. What defines a person is their personalities and how they treat themselves and others. I am too also on the verge of a total cleanse, whereby getting all of the toxicin out of my life. I am on a lifelong healthy journey. Postive energy and vibe, and a life changing experience that would change my outlook and quality of life.

Do what makes you happy and nevertheless, you will never disappoint yourself.

Thanks to all followers and visitors who liked my post. I am on my way to greatness.

Here are a few things that you may want to know about me.

Name: Angela Pearce

Residential Destination: United States, Nevada but not my final destination, as I plan on traveling more to see the world.

What is my age?

HEY! Never ask a girl her age.

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What is my profession? IT Consultant

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Education? Masters in Science of Psychology, currently pursuing my Doctorate in Psychology with an emphasis in the Integration of Technology, Learning, and Psychology.

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Getting a doctoral degree has always been a goal. I have been part of the doctoral program for two years now and my anticipated completion year is 2022-23. Given that the program that I am engaged in at Grand Canyon University (GCU) in Phoenix, AZ. GO LOPES!, the COVID-19 pandemic has not stopped my progress but only propelled me. I spend most of my days engaging in course work and research. This iterative and rigorous process is not easy as it takes time, dedication, self-discipline, and hard work.

What is my favorite Food? Indian Food – I can eat this everyday, but have made it an every Friday tradition.

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What is my favorite Color?

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Do I have children? Yep, 2.

What do I like to do for fun?

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Yes, I’m a lame. I love to stay at home and do nothing, even if it means working on the computer, all day, cleaning, cooking, reading, and spending time with family. Home is where my heart is. What’s wrong with that? To me. Not-a-thing

What my favorite place to travel?

Truthfully, anywhere outside of the United States. As I really appreciate different cultures, eclectic music and cuisines, site seeing, shopping experiences, and just being a part of something different and unqiue.

What are your future goals and what is on your bucket list?

1. To establish a reputation as a scholar.
2. Become a voice for underrepresented and underserved population.
3. Become a college professor and obtain a tenure.
4. To travel more.
5. To increase my social network.
6. To give back to impoverished communites and those in dire need.
7. To help bridge the technological gaps between the digital divides and generations.
8. Continue to improve, mentally, spiritually, academically, and professionally.

Did I miss anything. What else do you want to know about me? leave me a comment and I will answer the question based on its appropriation.

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Au’Pearce 2020

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Racial unrest and Injustice continues to cause and uproar in the entire nation. Professional sport teams are walking off playing fields to support the continued police brutality that continues to transpire and anti-humanistic behaviors that continue to plague our nation.

The vast majority hear the cry of blacks. How can they not after watching the life being pressed out of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor being shot in the privacy of her own home while in the bed asleep, and now Jacob Black, where a police offer emptied his entire clip into his back, paralyzing him, and also claim to be handcuffed to his bed while remaining in the hospital (see video: https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/27/us/jacob-blake-wisconsin-thursday/index.html).

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Lord Wipe Away These Tears

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We are tired of crying for our Black brothers and sister. We are tired of being considered outcasts. We are tired of not being provided with similar housing, employment, insurance, and life opporunities as our white counterparts. It is mentally exhausting when getting pulled over by police for Driving While Black (DWB), Walking While Black (WWB), or Running While Black (RWB) or being redlined. The world was not built by the hands of white men. It was built by the hands of all men, mostly those of color. We all deserve a fair share of all that the world has to offer, and until all people (Blacks & Whites) start to aknowldge what is happening in this world, this now vividly anti-Colorism world, then the outcries will continue. Peaceful protests will persist, as people from distinctive ethnic and cultural backgrounds, beliefs, and values continue to show up and show out. The world is evolving and until people develop a revoluntary, as opposed to a retrospective, mindset, then these demonstrations will not subside. The Corona outbreak is pushing us into a novelty world, one that will substantially diminish the stressors and strains that Blacks have faced their entire lives. Yes, people will continue to hold their anti-attitudes and pro-white disposition, as all people are entitle to their own beliefs, and values. However, that does not mean that one has to disrespect, partake in physically contact with malicious intent, or cause others bodily harm or death. Having your own beliefs and values is part of the world’s molding. Again, just because you believe one thing and someone else beliefs anoter, does not give you a civil right to cause unjust nor unrest. We all should agree to disagree. I respect your outlook on certain life situations, and that should be reciprocated. End of story.

Most people may look at all that Blacks do and all that we say and simply say, it does not matter, as things are not going to be changed in their favor, and the world is not going to give then special treatment. See, this is the issue. Black people are not asking for special treatment, nor are they asking for the world to change based on special privileges or merits. Black people are standing up to the face of lack of diversity and inclusivity, simply to say that we are not different than any other person in this world. Yes, our skin tones and hair textures may be different, but these are unique characteristics that we all should appreciate. Furthermore, we all have developed a stereotype of phsysical characteristics and behaviors. But, when you examine the situation, wherein, stepping back to see the whole picture, all of these biases and prejudices starts at home.

It starts in an individuals living and learning environment. Children talk on the attitudes of their parents becuase they have not entered into a world where they can have personal experiences. So, if parents are biased, the children will be as well. If school teachers are biased, then they may teach such behaviors to their students. If a persons friends feel that it would be funny to bully or dehumanize another individual then both parties will engage in such behavior even if the other person do not agree with it. The same goes for relationships. Women are more likely to take on the attitudes of their romantic partners, even if it goes agains their moral judgment or compass. This does not necessary mean being anti-colorists, this means taking on any anti- or pro-attitude of a given partner. What does this mean? This mean that we have conform the significance of interpersonal relationships, even if it means looking friends and gaining those that you “tolerate.”

Parents or not, children should be taught to love one another, regardless of a persons identity. We all know better. This mean that we all have the mental and physical capacity to DO BETTER and BE BETTER. Children are our future, and if this racial unrest and unjust nonsense do not stop now, in another 57 years, people from all diverse backgrounds will still be marching on Capital Hill in Washington DC in the same manner that Martin Luther King Jr. did. In the same way that people are doing today, on Friday August 28, 2020. We will continually have the same dreams, the same hope, and the same equality aspirations, but until those dream-stoppers and nightmare inducers sleep, many nights will continue to be filled with horror and terror.

A Strong Support System

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We all must stand together. We all must walk together. We all have to run together in order for change to happen. We are not asking for any favors or monetary gifts. We are simply asking everyone to lift their voices so that we all are provided with the chance of experiences equality in all aspects of the world we live in and call home. We must continually fight and build a support system no force can break down.

When you fall in love, do you really know the person that you are falling in love with? When you fall in love, does your partner or significant other, know who he or she is falling for? In most cases, not. In these contemporary and modern times, love is not defined in the same way as it was retrospectively. When it comes to love, so many people use the term so loosely, not necessarily understanding the significant meaning, bondage, and attachment.

When it comes to love, we all have our own distinct meanings, as to who and what we love. In rare forms, we adopt a deep affection. We love those who love us back. But what happens when love does not work out in your favor and you have emotionally fallen in love with someone that does not feel the same or have lost the love, lust, and sparks that originally brought you two together.

Broken but Mendable

So many times loves does not go right and can play tricks on you. Before love it so powerful, it frequently it vibes and energy can become misrepresented or ill-received. Sometimes you feel as though you may hate yourself and the life that you are living, but that is ok. Sometimes you may lack love for yourself because you have given it all ways to an external mutation. These are normal feelings. Love affect people differently. Some people have hearts of steels and can get over relational and romantic breakups instantly, while others have blubber hearts, those that are spongy and absorbs whatever life throughs in their direction. However, in this case, just as love is absorbed, it can be expunged. The most fragile hearts are the ones that are broken the most frequently, those made of glass or crystal, and even gold, those that are shattered easily and it takes a microscope and a miracle to put the heart back together again.

Let not others determine the strength or fragility of your heart. Yes, loving hard means that you are more susceptible to heartache and heartbreak, but why do we give outsiders the power over our most vital organs, our brains, and hearts, our central control centers. When we allow others to come into our hearts, we feel as though we have developed a certain level of trust and respect for this individual and they will never do us wrong.

You and only you have the power to keep your heart from breaking and to mend your heart in ways that bring it back to life. To increases its vitality and durability for other interpersonal and romantic experiences However, when getting over a situation instantaneously, one may doubt our factual love and claim it to be fake. Not Cool. How are you doubt the love I had for you. It happens.

Falling in love means that we have handed our hearts, a lifeline that has been placed in the protection of other. But, is that really love. Comparatively, when others give us the title to their heart, do we necessarily treat it in the same manner that we’d treat our own. We are our own lifeline. We are the only person that can protect our entire being, mentally, physically, psychologically, and wholeheartedly. This is not to say that you should not give others your heart as a keepsake, but if and when you do, you have the responsibility to check on its subjective well-being frequently. Allow no one to do with your heart as they will. Your heart (and brain) is the most fragile organ, and one simple drop can leaving you lifeless.

Falling in love on short notice does not necessarily mean that you have to hand your heart over to the person you think “the one.” Before we can give our heart to someone else we want to make sure that its as healthy as can be, with no bumps, bruised, or cracks, otherwise it is useless. When we give others a fragile heart, we have just added them into our emotional turmoil equation to where our actions and behaviors will start to reflect what others have done. Thus, they start to take on an unwarranted burden that was brought into their life without any inclusion.

When it comes to our hearts, we must first stop and think about its vitality and longevity. Our heart is a surviving and defense mechanism that will be with us until we take out last breathes. Control it. Take care of it. Allow others in, but don’t allow them to fully possess it, otherwise set ourselves up for heartache and heartbreak, disappointment, and emotional turmoil. When you maintain possession of your heart and build an entry and exit path, you will sustainably possess the necessary tool to resuscitate it and mend it when needed.

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What Do You Do when you have nowhere to turn and no one to lean on?

What Do you do when you are left to fight a grievous battle alone?

Can you fake your own death?

I have been fighting a never-ending battle my whole life.

I have been fighting to be accepted by the society to which I conform, only to find that even in the society that I have given my all to, it has turned its back on me. 

A society that has left me in the middle of the ocean, treading waters, knowing that I cannot swim. 

Leaving me to drown and battle the tides alone. 

There is no lifeguards present. 

There are no life jackets. 

There is no one else in sight, just the person I thought was the most important in my life, my allegedly lifelong partner, out amid the sea, alone. 

Yet, I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean that surrounds me.

My alleged eternal partner watching with patience as I sink, never to surface ever again, hoping and wishing to eliminate any matrimonial attachment, stresses, and strain that were undesirably contributed to his life.

He is too far away for me to attach myself.

He is an exceptional swimmer.

He does not attempt to salvage me from the liquid suffocation that nearly begets me.

He backpedals, increasing the distance between us. 

I start to sink.

I try to swim.

I descend underwater again, but my nonrhythmic movement menaces, sending me into panic mode.

I notice an unfamiliar sensation under my feet, one that sequentially feels plush, velvety, and panned-out; safe and secure. 

A whirlwind circles me.

I can feel that water spinning and pulling me with its every movement.

I panic. 

I am not sure what is happening

I am not sure how to respond. 

I panic, scanning the surface.

The waters lack transparency.

I only catch a glimpse of rapid movements.

I stare dreadfully at the soon to be widower and see the frightfulness in his face. 

He’s scared. 

He is Just as scared as I am, if not more. 

Something, a mammal type object surface between us. 

A dolphin, flapping his wing, signaling me to grab hold.

I take onto the dolphin’s fin securely, and it starts to swim to the nearest shore. 

I look back, the thought-to-be widow with a dismayed gape.

He starts to swim in our direction. 

Faster.

Faster.

He sinks, too tired to keep going.

He rises, trying to catch his breath.

The water dominates him, taking him under.

His appearance fades as I drift further away. 

He’s gone.

When I make it to the shore, I retreat to land, and the whale goes on his merry way, not expecting a thank you nor treat. 

The whale is chivalrously uninviting to reciprocation.

At that very moment, I feel a sense of freedom.

At that very moment, I feel a sense of relief and independence. 

A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

I feel ill-burdensome. 

No more mental nor emotional abuse. 

No more living within the alignment or distal serenity of he who claimed he loved me.

No more will I have to succumb to the matriarch that held me down with all its might. 

No more will I have to engage in self-expiration, I can now be self-actualized. 

No longer will I have to suppress my voice. 

No longer will my thought and actions be overpowered by an ego-manic who thinks that he is the gifts to the world. 

No longer will I be tired and weary.

No longer will I have to sing a song that lacks rhythm and tune.

I have landed on novel territory where opportunities are endless. 

I embrace my individuality to move forward and not look back on something that has held me back from reaching my full potential for years.

I stagger on the hot sands and look out at what is in front of me. 

I am forced to make a decision.

I am forced to make a decision promptly, as I see glaring eyes staring at me as they witness my physical and mental disentanglement. 

In that every moment, I walk in a forward, unobstructed, and liberating direction.

Not once did I turn to see what followed

Not once did I flinch.

Not once did I hesitate or second guess myself.

I listened carefully as GOD spoke silently to my soul and told me to move forward. 

I listened when GOD said he would create a righteous path that will lead me in the direction.

I listened to no one but GOD, who said that he would turn all that was wronged, right. 

I listened to GOD when he said that he is still in control. 

I listened to GOD when he whisperingly said that all that is done is behind you.

I listened to GOD when he said that all that I will now face is the blessings that he has stored for me.

I listened to GOD because I am a true believer of his word and that whatever circumstance you face is based on purpose. It is based on his common goals that will lead you to the life incentives that he has been preparing you.

I listened to GOD because no one else will ever have my heart’s best interest in the way that he does.

I listen to GOD because he will never leave you nor forsake you.

I listen to GOD just because he will always be there without a reasonable doubt. 

I listen to GOD because I don’t need a reason. Because I have instilled faith and because I walked by faith and not by sight.

I don’t challenge his instructions as I go with the flow. 

I have faced several encounters that should lead me to the heavens above or hells below. 

However, it is not your will. It is not your destiny to determine when you go or when you stay.

When GOD says that he is ready, he will prepare you for an instantaneous, unpainful, and glorious arrival. 

When GOD says that he is ready, there is nothing no one can do or say once his decision is made. 

When GOD says that he is ready for your arrival, watch out, because that is when your true blessings really begin, as the earth is only a shifting landscape that you have been birthed into. The heavens are always greater and almightier than anything you will ever experience in your entire lifetime. 

I push forward.

I don’t look back.

I don’t question where I am going, as the path has already been designed for me.

I don’t plan my future because they are humorous to GOD.

I follow GOD in a righteous path blindfolded.

Wherever or whenever he instructs me to stop, so he can reveal what is in store for me, good or bad, to be used as a lesson or to reward me, for I am a child of GOD believing in all that he unequivocally do, I come to an instant halt.

It is his sole purpose that I achieve happiness, as well as those persons he put in my life. 

That day in the ocean, when I thought my life was over, GOD sent his disciple to rescue me from treading waters. An imperfect swimmer, struggling to stay afloat, GOD arrives just in time. 

This is a life lesson for all those in the world who think that GOD is not answering your prayers, he is, but you are not listening close enough. You are not allowing him to take full control. You are not willing to lose something to gain something more significant. 

Life is not about what you have or who you have in your life. 

Life is about living to your full potential and excluding those persons from your life that would leave you to drown in the middle of the ocean.

Life is not only about listening but hearing what GOD has instructed you to do. 

Life is about making hard choices that will either lead you to prosperity or hold you back. 

I chose to move forward without looking.

I heard and linked onto his/her every sing word.

I did not challenge his/her instructions but followed his directions.

I am situated in the space and place that I am in because of my faith. 

I know that if and when the time comes for ascendency then, no question will be formed as to why. 

Today and for now on, I will continue to have faith, the same faith that leads me to where I am.

Tomorrow, I will continue to have the same faith even if it led me down a different path.

So, the answer to the question of “What Do You Do when you have nowhere to turn and no one to lean on? You lean on GOD regardless of his physicality or locality.

“What Do you do when you are left to fight a grievous battle alone? You trust in GOD regardless of his physicality or locality.

Can you fake your own death? When GOD is ready for you to sit on your throne, he will call for you, but in the meantime faking your own death can simply mean eliminating negative and malicious people out of your life. It can and will lead you to better places and a more tranquil mindset.

Never look back to those in the waters that left you to drown. Keep moving forward while continuing to let GOD lead the way.