Having Faith and Believing

What Do You Do when you have nowhere to turn and no one to lean on?

What Do you do when you are left to fight a grievous battle alone?

Can you fake your own death?

I have been fighting a never-ending battle my whole life.

I have been fighting to be accepted by the society to which I conform, only to find that even in the society that I have given my all to, it has turned its back on me. 

A society that has left me in the middle of the ocean, treading waters, knowing that I cannot swim. 

Leaving me to drown and battle the tides alone. 

There is no lifeguards present. 

There are no life jackets. 

There is no one else in sight, just the person I thought was the most important in my life, my allegedly lifelong partner, out amid the sea, alone. 

Yet, I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean that surrounds me.

My alleged eternal partner watching with patience as I sink, never to surface ever again, hoping and wishing to eliminate any matrimonial attachment, stresses, and strain that were undesirably contributed to his life.

He is too far away for me to attach myself.

He is an exceptional swimmer.

He does not attempt to salvage me from the liquid suffocation that nearly begets me.

He backpedals, increasing the distance between us. 

I start to sink.

I try to swim.

I descend underwater again, but my nonrhythmic movement menaces, sending me into panic mode.

I notice an unfamiliar sensation under my feet, one that sequentially feels plush, velvety, and panned-out; safe and secure. 

A whirlwind circles me.

I can feel that water spinning and pulling me with its every movement.

I panic. 

I am not sure what is happening

I am not sure how to respond. 

I panic, scanning the surface.

The waters lack transparency.

I only catch a glimpse of rapid movements.

I stare dreadfully at the soon to be widower and see the frightfulness in his face. 

He’s scared. 

He is Just as scared as I am, if not more. 

Something, a mammal type object surface between us. 

A dolphin, flapping his wing, signaling me to grab hold.

I take onto the dolphin’s fin securely, and it starts to swim to the nearest shore. 

I look back, the thought-to-be widow with a dismayed gape.

He starts to swim in our direction. 

Faster.

Faster.

He sinks, too tired to keep going.

He rises, trying to catch his breath.

The water dominates him, taking him under.

His appearance fades as I drift further away. 

He’s gone.

When I make it to the shore, I retreat to land, and the whale goes on his merry way, not expecting a thank you nor treat. 

The whale is chivalrously uninviting to reciprocation.

At that very moment, I feel a sense of freedom.

At that very moment, I feel a sense of relief and independence. 

A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 

I feel ill-burdensome. 

No more mental nor emotional abuse. 

No more living within the alignment or distal serenity of he who claimed he loved me.

No more will I have to succumb to the matriarch that held me down with all its might. 

No more will I have to engage in self-expiration, I can now be self-actualized. 

No longer will I have to suppress my voice. 

No longer will my thought and actions be overpowered by an ego-manic who thinks that he is the gifts to the world. 

No longer will I be tired and weary.

No longer will I have to sing a song that lacks rhythm and tune.

I have landed on novel territory where opportunities are endless. 

I embrace my individuality to move forward and not look back on something that has held me back from reaching my full potential for years.

I stagger on the hot sands and look out at what is in front of me. 

I am forced to make a decision.

I am forced to make a decision promptly, as I see glaring eyes staring at me as they witness my physical and mental disentanglement. 

In that every moment, I walk in a forward, unobstructed, and liberating direction.

Not once did I turn to see what followed

Not once did I flinch.

Not once did I hesitate or second guess myself.

I listened carefully as GOD spoke silently to my soul and told me to move forward. 

I listened when GOD said he would create a righteous path that will lead me in the direction.

I listened to no one but GOD, who said that he would turn all that was wronged, right. 

I listened to GOD when he said that he is still in control. 

I listened to GOD when he whisperingly said that all that is done is behind you.

I listened to GOD when he said that all that I will now face is the blessings that he has stored for me.

I listened to GOD because I am a true believer of his word and that whatever circumstance you face is based on purpose. It is based on his common goals that will lead you to the life incentives that he has been preparing you.

I listened to GOD because no one else will ever have my heart’s best interest in the way that he does.

I listen to GOD because he will never leave you nor forsake you.

I listen to GOD just because he will always be there without a reasonable doubt. 

I listen to GOD because I don’t need a reason. Because I have instilled faith and because I walked by faith and not by sight.

I don’t challenge his instructions as I go with the flow. 

I have faced several encounters that should lead me to the heavens above or hells below. 

However, it is not your will. It is not your destiny to determine when you go or when you stay.

When GOD says that he is ready, he will prepare you for an instantaneous, unpainful, and glorious arrival. 

When GOD says that he is ready, there is nothing no one can do or say once his decision is made. 

When GOD says that he is ready for your arrival, watch out, because that is when your true blessings really begin, as the earth is only a shifting landscape that you have been birthed into. The heavens are always greater and almightier than anything you will ever experience in your entire lifetime. 

I push forward.

I don’t look back.

I don’t question where I am going, as the path has already been designed for me.

I don’t plan my future because they are humorous to GOD.

I follow GOD in a righteous path blindfolded.

Wherever or whenever he instructs me to stop, so he can reveal what is in store for me, good or bad, to be used as a lesson or to reward me, for I am a child of GOD believing in all that he unequivocally do, I come to an instant halt.

It is his sole purpose that I achieve happiness, as well as those persons he put in my life. 

That day in the ocean, when I thought my life was over, GOD sent his disciple to rescue me from treading waters. An imperfect swimmer, struggling to stay afloat, GOD arrives just in time. 

This is a life lesson for all those in the world who think that GOD is not answering your prayers, he is, but you are not listening close enough. You are not allowing him to take full control. You are not willing to lose something to gain something more significant. 

Life is not about what you have or who you have in your life. 

Life is about living to your full potential and excluding those persons from your life that would leave you to drown in the middle of the ocean.

Life is not only about listening but hearing what GOD has instructed you to do. 

Life is about making hard choices that will either lead you to prosperity or hold you back. 

I chose to move forward without looking.

I heard and linked onto his/her every sing word.

I did not challenge his/her instructions but followed his directions.

I am situated in the space and place that I am in because of my faith. 

I know that if and when the time comes for ascendency then, no question will be formed as to why. 

Today and for now on, I will continue to have faith, the same faith that leads me to where I am.

Tomorrow, I will continue to have the same faith even if it led me down a different path.

So, the answer to the question of “What Do You Do when you have nowhere to turn and no one to lean on? You lean on GOD regardless of his physicality or locality.

“What Do you do when you are left to fight a grievous battle alone? You trust in GOD regardless of his physicality or locality.

Can you fake your own death? When GOD is ready for you to sit on your throne, he will call for you, but in the meantime faking your own death can simply mean eliminating negative and malicious people out of your life. It can and will lead you to better places and a more tranquil mindset.

Never look back to those in the waters that left you to drown. Keep moving forward while continuing to let GOD lead the way.

6 comments

  1. Offshorewriter · August 5

    This is so deep and painful. Yet we learn to trust in the lord! 💖

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Anderia jackson · August 5

    This is AWESOME!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jimmy John · August 16

    Well written

    Liked by 1 person

  4. G.W. · August 29

    Wow! Yes! God has just that positive poignancy about Him! Very beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. wmac620 · September 5

    Beautiful! At times, I feel so inadequate, because my life has been so full of blessings! As a pastor’s wife, I wondered how I could help women when I hadn’t experienced the heartaches that they had. But it’s not about me. It’s all about our precious Savior. He feels every hurt and heals them all! Thanks for sharing something so hard yet beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

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