For the last couple of days, I have looked into the mirror and could not recognize the person that stared back at me. I changed my hairstyle and color several times. I applied an extra layer of makeup, mascara, and different eye shadow tints, but the question remains the same, who am I. Who is the person standing before me, mimicking my every move and expression? The person standing before me is not my authentic or organic self but seems to be a clustered formation of my shell.
Being lost is a daunting experience. You feel hollow. You feel like a ghostly individual without substance. You are entirely suffocated in the mixtures of what others think and expect of you, becoming a captive creature in a mentally captive state. You become a slave to the world, your partners, friends, acquaintances, boss, family, and others in close proximity. You experience a diminished sense of self-worth, self-esteem, agility, vitality, confidence, and, most importantly, your mental and cognitive stability. Your self-perception of life is too depreciated, unacknowledged, and overwritten. Everything you thought you knew about yourself becomes a blur, whereby increasing self-doubt.
Losing yourself to others.
When people experience lostness, they put on a brave face during the day but cry or drink under the covers at night. Many women and men become lost in their partner over the course of their relationships and lose self-perception in life and abilities. They no longer put themselves first. They unwilfully and obligatorily lose their true identity. But why? Why do people deplorably surrender to what others construct them to be? Intimate relationships and marriages are supposed to be mutual connections, not mutually exclusive. There are tests of time, but these tests should not leave one partner at the barrel’s bottom. This should be resolved mutually. Reciprocity and constructive communications must not be deemed one-sided, incongruent, or lopsided. Relationships are about both partners being equal, irrespective of who’s the breadwinner, or how many children they have together or separately. Most partners who are breadwinners feel like they should be in complete control of every aspect of their lives and the people who are in it. They possess an authoritarian and superiority disposition, one that is strict and stern. They occupy a narcissistic temperament and expect everyone around them to cater to their needs, be obedient, and do things their way.
Do personal traits contribute to controlling behaviors? Maybe. Maybe Not.
Narcissistic and authoritarian individuals lack sensitivity to other’s needs and are ostensibly unresponsive. Some authoritarian or hegemonic individuals, or control freaks, walk around worry-free. They shift their stresses and strain onto others closest to them, wherein adding to their misery and glum. If others go against their rules, beliefs, or values, they are chastised, treated and talked to badly, and swiftly dismissed. Radically, his or her goal to make others in their vicinity uncomfortable, particularly those who are subordinates or inferior, as a way to sustain a colossal ego and superior complex.
Personalities do play a massive role in the behaviors of controlling individuals. These personalities are stemmed from their upbringing and the environment in which they were raised.
However, little do they know, is that when individuals lose themselves or become inoculated with someone else’s devilish customs and traditions, it can create a mental downward spiral and disrupt their cognitive flow and stability. It leads them to do things begrudgingly and insubordinately in secrecy. It can lead them to engage in health deprivation activities and self-destructive and problematic behaviors, such as excessive alcohol consumption, exotic and recreation medications, and infidelity. In many cases, when relationships are incredibly toxic, it can result in the unhappy partner’s attempt, or success in suicidal, or self-harming behaviors.
Being lost is not a laughing matter.
Being lost or having one’s hands tied to someone else is no joking matter. Finding oneself is not about playing a game of hide-n-seek. Some people possess the mental capacity to snap back into place in a matter of days, but for others, it can take longer, sometimes months or even years. To rediscover oneself means that the individual must regain control back over their life and speak up for themselves, or completely remove themselves from the toxicity they are surrounded by altogether.
When should the lost person seek professional assistance in unearthing their authentic self again?
Various professionals could assist a person in redefining themselves. It does not have to be a mental professional. Mental professionals only come into play when people start engaging in destructive behaviors that are harmful not only to themselves but also to others. These mental health care professionals (e.g., psychologists, therapists, psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, counselors, etc.) can assist individuals with their needs and struggles. Treatment does not have to be interventionally-based, but can be used as a preventative measure to help people get control over their lives without the influences of others. Other professionals, such as life, spiritual, and relationship coaches, could help individuals get back on track.
When people find themselves going down a slipper-slope, seeking mental professionals help or coaching assistance could elicit a pleasurable experience. It is understood that most people feel as though they can handle the bulk of issues that life throws at them firsthand, but when failing to take the necessary measures or think outside of self, this could result in amplified mental maladies and accruals.
Seeking medical assistance continues to be surrounding by stigma. People do not want to be categorized or labeled as “crazy” or “mentally insane.” However, most people do not realize that engaging in psychoanalysis or talk therapy is a way for individuals to release inner feelings and emotions without judgment and consequence. Therapy and coaching, of all kinds, are based on teaching people how to cope with life happenstances, to control their mental state without the assistance of prescriptions or unprescribed medications, alcohol, or whatever have you.
There are multiple ways in which situations could be addressed, but it first takes the initiative and wantedness of the individual(s) that is affected. Most people want to be their holistic self, but until they possess absolute control over their entire being, they will continue to be lost at the construct and mental preeminence of others. Lost does not mean being lost entirely. Self-misplacement implies that one has simply lost their path or sight to self- desireability. Being spellbound means that a person has shifted responsibilities to others, and now need to retract the trustworthiness that no longer aligns with your actual being. To become unlost simply means being found. Some may say that this is not as simple as it sounds, and it is not an easy feat. It will take time, self-discipline, self-determination, self-control, and methodically sifting through existing baggage, and systematically removing the surfeit trappings that continue to hold you in dark and murky places. Getting yourself back and self-resurgence can be done, but it has to start with you. It has to start now. Escape from the forlorn, bewildered, and vanished person that currently exists. Become your pure personified, amplified, and organic self that you once were, but do it greater.