Stillness is defined as a moment when you find yourself surrounded by unparalleled movement, and inundated with voluminous noises, screams, and chatters, but still, you hear nothing and see no one.
Stillness is when you find yourself sitting amongst a crowd, but for some reason, you cannot detect or become blind to movement, or the movement does not matter or is unimportant.
Stillness is when you wish for the world to stand still.
You wish to be alone at a specific moment in time, and you do not care about the company or presence of others.
Even though today and most days, I sit amongst a crowd where I can witness other people living their best lives, I cannot help but feel the stillness and frozenness of being mentally stuck, unavailable, and unable to progress in life or move forward. I remain stuck in the era where it was only my husband and I, the only thing that mattered and what still matters to this day.
Today, I find myself positioned in a significantly despondent life
Why? Because I find myself living a life where it is only me, sitting amongst a world filled with noise and movement, but all I hear and see is simply, stillness.
Living a life where you constantly overthink and may verbalize to yourself and others that “one day you may wake up and find your life to be over” suggests that you don’t have what it takes to live or be happy. Our consciousness and subconsciousness are constantly in high gear or overdrive. Some days, we find our thoughts to be spinning out of control, where, in essence, they drive us to become mentally and emotionally challenged. They urge most to overindulge in alcohol and food, act irrationally, play the victim, engage in inappropriate behaviors, or clam up. Refusing or denying oneself the ability to live, being forever frightful, or becoming too cowardly to achieve things on their own is a warning sign that some, more than others, do not have complete control over their life. Unjustifiably thinking our lives are over is a cataclysmic psychological concern. Living a life where you inconceivably accomplished absolutely nothing and then waking up to suggest that your life is catastrophically over or damaged as a result of you living in guilt, shame, and your untold and uncontested subterranean truth. For most of your life, you refused to live. You became overly comfortable with living in the shadows of others because you felt entitlement or privilege. Your unwillingness or self-sabotaging plight to venture out on your own or tackle specific duties or functions was because they yielded perpetual or makeshift unpleasurable or unwanted results. These unconfronted truths may define your life conclusion, leaving you to incessantly feel that your life is indeed over because you NEVER decided to start or failed at being purposefully actionable.
From as far as the eyes could see and the ears could hear, and in my entire existence, I have never witnessed anyone wake up or rise up only to find their lives were over. I have found that when a person’s life is over, they fit the characteristic of being existentially dead, deceased, or physically nonexistent.
Life is not over until you take your last breath. So today and for the rest of your life, be perspicacious, bountiful, and dutiful because you get to say, “One day, I may wake up and find that my life is just beginning. Live in the moment. Live for yourself and stop worrying about others. Stop trying to live your life through others. I implore you to stop asking for permission to live. Take wrong turns and detours. Be adventurous and spontaneous. See what life has to offer by stepping out of your comfort zone. Do what is necessary to live fruitfully and fearlessly, knowing that, for most, we only get one life to live.
Even when you feel like dying or have died, partially or holistically, keep pushing and moving forward because there is much more to live for than the eye can see; voices can reach, and the ear can hear. Why? Because one day, you may never get the chance to wake up, where, in all truth, others will claim your life as being truthfully and irreversibly over.
Have you ever assessed your life and experiences and asked yourself, “What is my reality?”
In life, some individuals embrace their truths and realities and are living up to their full potential. On the contrary, others continue to stand in the shadows of others, thus helping others define and live their realities instead of trying to cultivate their own. Standing in the dooms and glooms of others results in you granting those persons permission to cast a dark cloud over your ability to define and transition into your authentic self. Being positioned behind others could diminish your character and cause others to see you as untrustworthy and unworthy of respect. Furthermore, falling in the shadows of others may deem you incapable of being a leader, holding critical positions, or being at the forefront, even in your own life. These self-coverings will cause you to lose the fortitude needed to live out your reality. It can also result in your realities to be less augmented.
Authentic realities first start with self-authentication. Your reality results from being true to who you are, knowing your worth, and what and who you stand for, no matter what that entails. Reality means not trying to live up to the potential of others. Living up to your reality means not succumbing to past and current situations and circumstances. It also means not falsely and fictitiously demonstrating who you wished you were to others. More importantly, reality means having an accurate perception and standing in your truth and not trying to rewrite your past, share misinformation, or diminish the character of others because yours is severely fractured. To determine and define your reality, you must take accountability, particularly as your realities will be demonstrated through your actions, behaviors, and social engagements.
Most persons in this world will demonstrate false and fabricated realities. These false realities result from never forming their own reality or positive self-authentication. False realities mean individuals are lost or stuck or have conformed to what society suggests they should be or not be. They have become self-removed. They’ve given others power over them for so long that they lack guidance and direction to take ownership over their own lives. Psychologically, when others are not able to define or live their reality, it is because they have perpetually suppressed their inner and childhood demons, guilt, and regrets, along with espousing other pessimistic-laden feelings and thoughts. Cognitive repressions can leave people clueless about how to face their demons and get over their past, thus resulting in the inability of them ever being able to step into their reality. They will live the rest of their lives comfortably situated behind others.
Actual reality is knowing that no two persons are alike, and everyone has been granted an innate ability to define their “personal” reality. Even “reality TV” involves a staged or false depiction of what reality means. If you ever want or need to step into your reality, you must be first mindful and consciously aware of yourself and your past and current experiences and circumstances. Secondly, you must circumscribe your reality. Thirdly, you must be self-authentic and true to yourself without needing to prove yourself to others. You are the only person that matters. Fourth, no matter how complex, you must channel your inner demons and relinquish their powers over you. Otherwise, you will forever be stuck in the past, repetitively ruminating on negativity, engaging in self-inept and self-doubt, and lacking the needed psychological strengths, motivation, grit, and perseverance to progress and thrive in life, move forward, or maintain healthy connections. Fifth, you must acknowledge that your authentic or erroneous realities are demonstrated behaviorally, socially, and cognitively and cascade into various life paradigms for others or the world to see, allowing them to form their own perceptions of how real you are.
When asking yourself, “What is my reality?”
Form your own reality and be true to who you are, changing for no one and nothing. Let no one define or try to change who you are. Doing this denies others access or the ability to generate misperceptions or spread misinformation about who you are or who they cast you out to be. It is paramount that you unapologetically create and live in your reality. Create your authentic reality before inviting others in who can contribute to what that reality entails.
In a word, please describe to the world what your life would entail if you took charge of it and did not give that responsibility to others or allow others to dictate how you lived your life?
I’ll go first.
Self-Efficacy
Psychologically, and initially proposed by Albert Bandura (1997), self-efficacy is defined as a person confidently taking control of their own life and mastering self. Being a self-master or authentic involves engaging oneself in mastery and vicarious experiences. It is also an embroilment of positive verbal persuasion and physiological state.
Encompassing a high or strong self-efficacy can lead to a successful and fruitful life. Self-efficacy involves you investing in yourself without the input of others. It means jumping into life with both feet, performing, and managing emotions and behaviors. It pertains to completing tasks, whether big or small, easy or complex. While self-efficacy is a human-centered and naturalistic driving force, it is a human power that permits individuals to discern their life outcomes, particularly when attempting to accomplish goals or overcome life hurdles and barriers. With self-efficacy, you learn to live vicariously and exponentially. You impermissibly understand the benefit of life progress on your own terms. You learn from your mistakes and continue moving forward, never forgetting to be authentic and the master of who you really are or yearn to be.
A word to the wise, self-efficacy. No go live, confidently.
Many individuals in this world may unashamedly think or feel that if their lives ended naturally or catastrophically, the persons in their world would be okay. Contrastingly, other persons may deem their loved ones to experience mental devastation or self-condemnation. They may also assume their loved ones will adopt an indifferent mental temperament.
We can never be too sure about how our loved ones feel if we naturally or suddenly transition into another dimension, meaning we can only assume. Similarly, if our loved ones suddenly become the dearly departed, we cannot factually predict how we would feel. Most people in life have never experienced loss. Many will go through life never knowing what it feels like to lose someone, let alone grieve.
Whether it is your loss or theirs, it is unquestionable that we as humans will experience mental and emotional turmoil. Even when faced with emotional adversities, one thing losers must do is effortfully engage in trying to stay physically, psychologically, and spiritually erect.
Loss does not always mean losing yourself emotionally.
To take on this position and fight the battle of loss, you must first believe you have the power to stay upright. You must first believe you control the situation and no one else. You have been given superior humanistic powers. These unique psychological endowments require minimal manual labor and will not result in significant brain mass depletion, only pools of tears.
To understand these powers, you must first understand yourself and your emotional intelligence, emotional quotient, or EQ. Your EQ is based on your ability to understand, process, and manage your emotions on your own and positively. Being emotionally intelligent means you will wittingly defuse the emotional troubles or inconveniences and be self- and socially aware. You will also avoid situations that trigger negative thoughts and emotions. Knowing your EQ and applying such emotional intelligence to your life will be advantageous to you and your abilities to effectively and efficaciously process your thoughts and feelings in multifarious situations, even loss. Having a low EQ means you will face extreme difficulties with being able to control your emotions and will forever experience mental and emotional upheaval and distress.
While you may never know how others will feel once you are gone, there is no way to prepare definitively. However, as humans, you must at least take the initiative to boost your emotional intelligence and cognitive functioning, especially as negative emotions will consume your thoughts and try to get the best of you.
If you don’t do anything else, you are the only person who can manage your emotions. Boost your EQ not for the sake of pleasing others but for your personal gain.
– it will only lead to you being or becoming a better you.
For months, I have not been able to discern happiness, life longevity, or positive outcomes. In various respects, I didn’t care and still don’t because I didn’t feel that others cared about my life and what happiness meant, whereas I now see my life as being more challenging than I ever anticipated.
While I still cannot see happiness progressions in my life, I cannot help but ask poignant questions, “has anyone ever reached a point in their lives where they feel they have applied all the right ingredients and the outcome or end results have led to them feeling successful or experiencing life perfection?
I ask these questions because I am seeking input. I am seeking direction, not to say that what worked for you will work for me.
Have you, as an individual, given your life your all?
Have you ever reached a point in your life where your life is working for you, and you are not working for it? Are you at this point presently? I am curious because I have not reached either point. So, if you have, please share your experiences and what this looks like.
I was recently asked the question, what does happiness look like now and in the near future. I was also asked to provide my viewpoint of what happiness entailed now and in the near future. In all truth, I could define happiness. However, I could not define happiness as it relates to my personal life and current life circumstances. But, definitively, happiness is the mental state of being happy, possessing a positive disposition, and being able to constructively overcome life happenstances and adversities.
When situationally and inherently asked to define happiness, I hesitated, went into a mental funk, and faced a mental stumble when attempting to answer those questions because I did not know the answers. The only happiness I could relate to is the happiness from the past, as I cannot foresee or suggest what future happiness will look like or if it will ever exist.
The question I am trying to answer here is, what does happiness mean and look like to you?
Are you happy with your life choices?
Are you happy with the hands that you have been dealt?
Are you able to stay afloat when you feel your heart is sinking?
If you could change anything in your life, what would it be?
If you made these changes, do you think they are applicable or aligned with what God has planned for you?
Before you answer these questions, know that no two persons are alike.
Know that the life God has planned for you could be monumental and may result in you taking detours or going down roads you thought never existed.
So the question is, what does happiness look like to you?
How do you define happiness?
What does the keys to happiness look like and who have you granted access or who have you put in the position of power to help you define what happiness means to you as an individual?
What ingredients have you applied so far, and have they worked?
Au'Pearce 