Author: Au’Pearce

Since July 24, 2022, I have been holding my breath. Every day, I feel like I am underwater, drowning, unable to come up for air because the moment I think it is time to breathe, something else lands in my lap, causing me to submerge underwater again and again. 

Since day one, I have had to continually fight unnecessary battles and deal with toxic, self-important, callous, and gluttonous individuals. I also have to navigate the various personalities, emotions, and behaviors.

Since day one, I have not had time to myself, as there has been no time for disassociation or self-removal. 

Most days, my heart beats so rapidly and hard that I feel like it will jump out of my chest. 

Why? Because I hurt. I continue to experience immense pain. Any person who has ever lost a spouse understands the pain and suffering I feel. For those who have never experienced such loss, you will never understand, and I do not wish this feeling on you, even if you were my worst enemy. 

I have found that, depending on the strength of your connection, grieving has different levels. For me, I experience complicated grief. I will never accept or recover from such loss. I still bargain and barter with God. I am still in denial, as I am sure my husband will return home one day in physical form, especially as I know he’s never left my side. I will continue to live and navigate my life as though he’s still part of it. I still seek permission from my husband. I am angry that he left me so suddenly. I experience severe bouts of anxiety and depression, where all I want to do is stay home behind closed doors with the covers over my head, but this new life has denied me the opportunity to grieve. Even today, I have not grieved fully. Truthfully, I have not grieved at all, as I am still in a state of shock. 

When I lost you, I lost half of me.

Therefore, I will never be whole again. I believe in the saying that God will not put more on you than you can bear. I just pray to God that s/he continues to give me the strength to keep moving because the moment I can breathe and standstill, it will be the moment that my entire being will crumble.

It will always be – ME AND YOU AGAINST THE WORLD and no one will ever come between us!

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

Happy Juneteenth to all of those persons celebrating the end of slavery, not only for blacks but for all of those persons who were enslaved or felt as though they were enslaved or limited in their ability to speak and maneuver freely.

Let us all enjoy this moment and celebrate Juneteenth like it is June 19th for the remainder of our existence.

Celebrate and engage in whatever pleasurable proclivities you wish. Just know that we will continue to embrace unity, togetherness, and deliverance, and we will continue to stand up for our rights and freedom, whatever they are.

Let us pause and have a moment of silence for those who fought our battles, the same ones we continue to fight today. 

Let us stand up, rejoice, and lift our voices in ways we thought were impossible. 

We can and will forever be free.

Happy Juneteenth 2024

Today, we celebrate Freedom Day, an actual and unchanneled Independence Day, where on June 19, 1865, Abraham Lincoln freed thousands of enslaved people in Texas, whereas later, this day became known as Juneteenth.

While the acknowledgment of Juneteenth was deferred for over 150 years, this day began to be taken more seriously. Given the severity and necessity of acknowledging Freedom Day, on June 17, 2021, President Joe Biden declared Juneteenth a federal holiday by signing the Juneteenth National Independence Day Act (JNIDA) into law. Therefore, and since 2021, today, and forever, Juneteenth will never go unrecognized again, even for those who try to ignore it and those who wish not to celebrate it. 

When considering the importance of Juneteenth, this marks the day where, little by little and inch by inch, we reclaim our freedom to live and die. 

The acknowledgment of Juneteenth provides a sense of certainty and embodiment of who we are and what we stand for. 

Juneteenth marks the moment when Blacks feel free and are not a product of their environment or a slave to others or society. 

This Freedom Day reminds Blacks that it is not society’s responsibility to justify their sense of feeling free and freedom, but we, as collectivistic groups and individuals, must illustrate and embrace our willingness to remain free and sustain freedom.

It is your responsibility to ensure you [we] stay free. 

Free from harm.

Free from suffering.

Free from segregation.

Free to love and be loved by those similar and those different.

Free from discrimination, prejudices, and biases.

Free from police brutality.

Freedom to drive, walk, and run while being black.

Freedom to sit and sleep in our home peacefully without the fear of being executed or gunned down.

Freedom to live in any neighborhood where our finances allow.

Free to acquire an education and attend any college or school anywhere in the world.

Freedom to speak and, lift our voices high, and be heard.

The freedom to embrace cultures, our identities, and individualities.

Freedom to have equal rights and opportunities.

Freedom to build generational wealth.

Freedom to celebrate, rejoice, and be happy.

Free from inequities, equalities, and disparities.

Freedom to breathe.

Free from slavery.

Most importantly, freedom to live.

Today is Juneteenth, the fourth year of being recognized as a national holiday. Use this day, and every day of the year, to lift your voice, celebrate with others, and fully embody your identity and who you are. Embrace your self-authenticity and the fact that you are different, unique, and will never be the same as others. Your distinctiveness allows you to stand out from the rest and be better than most. 

Happy Juneteenth!

Happy Father’s Day to all of the fathers in the world and mothers who were forced to raise their child[ren] as a single parent, also playing the role of being a father. 

A special Happy Father’s Day to my husband, Eric, who has been a true father and father figure and positive role model to my children and his stepchildren. Thank you for treating them like your own. We love you forever. I hope you like your Father’s Day gift from us.

Another special Happy Father’s Day to my father and other heavenly fathers. Thank you for continuing to be my rock, guardian angel, support, and guidance. Thank you for always believing in me and never leaving my side. Happy Father’s Day to you all. I love you dearly.

My son continues to demonstrate masterful fathering. Each day and year, you will achieve the Best Dad award. #girldad. Because I shared such an experience with my own father, I know you are the epiphany and prime example of what a father-daughter relationship should entail – a solid connection and unbreakable bond. 

Happy Father’s Day

When you find your inner peace, nothing or no one in the outside world can interfere or disrupt it. 

When you find your inner peace, you find yourself and learn about who you are.

Always remember, you are a master of self. You know what you want and need better than anyone else. 

Let your inner peace be your guiding force.

Peace.

When the devil ignores you, he knows you’re doing something wrong. Contrarily, when the devil comes at you, and you get his or her full and undivided attention, that indicates that he or she knows you’re doing something right.

                                                            Denzel Washington

This caption is true, especially as I have encountered evil people.

Evil people will try to spread their wickedness everywhere. 

They will befriend, manipulate, and gaslight others.

They will unlawfully and mercifully seek power and possession.

They are coldhearted and unemphatic individuals who will never sympathize or appreciate.

Their relationships are meaningless, loveless, and filled with infidelity and disloyalty.  

An Evil person’s focus is to destroy anything beautiful because they are horrid and damaged internally.

They lack self-confidence.

Evil people are glum manipulators.

They are spiteful, liars, deceitful, remorseless. 

They blame others and never take accountability for anything. 

They radiate negative energy, causing rooms to be uncomfortably filled with melancholy and toxicity. 

They thrive on seeing other’s misfortune and suffering, even in times of loss or grief.

They look to acquire things they have never worked for or get their hands on things that belong to someone else. 

They have a distorted view of reality, are selfish and self-serving, and want everything to go their way. 

I used to think that evil people were broken individuals, but I found that untrue. 

I have succumbed to the fact that evil people are wicked and cruel and take pleasure in trying to cause others harm or grief. 

They are heartless. They are thankless. They lack a moral compass and have patterns of destructive behaviors, even if it means destroying themselves, relationships, or others.

E.V.I.L people will forever live a life that goes beyond repair.  

They will forever live in corruption. 

They will forever have a distorted view of life. 

They will always be a black hole.

 While evil persons may seem genuine initially, their main objective is to cause you more harm than good.

So, beware and steer clear. It will be for your own good.