Au'Pearce

Author: Au’Pearce

  • HAPPY JUNETEENTH TO ALL OF THOSE PERSONS CELEBRATING THE END OF SLAVERY FOR NOT ONLY BLACKS BUT FOR ALL OF THOSE PERSON THAT WERE ENSLAVED OR FELT AS THOUGH THEY WERE ENSLAVED OR LIMITED IN THEIR ABILITY TO SPEAK AND MANEUVER FREELY.

    LET US ALL ENJOY THIS MOMENT AND CELEBRATE JUNETEENTH LIKE ITS JUNE 19TH FOR THE REMAINDER OF OUR EXISTENCE…. GO DRINK AND ENGAGE IN WHATEVER PLEASURABLE PROCLIVITIES YOU WISH… JUST KNOW THAT WE WILL CONTINUE TO BE UNITED AND TOGETHER WE WILL CONTINUE TO STAND UP FOR OUR RIGHTS AND OUR FREEDOM… WHO EVER WE ARE….

    LET US NOT PAUSE AND HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THOSE WHO FOUGHT OUR BATTLE, THE SAME ONE WE CONTINUE TO FIGHT TODAY.

    LET US STAND UP AND REJOICE AND LIFT OUR VOICES IN WAYS THAT WE THOUGHT WAS IMPOSSIBLE. WE CAN BREATHE.

  • Happy Juneteenth

  • Making A List

    While being in a relationship, have you ever taken the time to sit down and write out the good and bad things about your intimate partnerships and close friendships? Most people would answer no to this question. What if you took a few moments to do this now? What do you think would be the end results? Would the good outweigh the bad, or would the results be reversed?

    What if the good outweighed the bad? Does this mean that you are in a healthy and satisfying relationship? Most would say, of course. But what most fail to realize is that all individuals possess distinctive meanings of what it means to be in a satisfactory romantic partnership, or even friendship, whereas characteristics shift with personalities. 

    Being in a healthily and potentially long-lasting relationship or friendship means the relationship or connection needs to be equal between the two people. The decision-making process should be an even split, even if it is a compromise from time to time. Partners or friends must have compassion toward one another. They must be willing to support and look out for one’s best interest. They must have mutual and indisputable trust and respect for one another. Most importantly, each partner or friend should feel protected. 

    Each partner will inevitably make decisions without consulting the other partner within the relationship. That is ok as long as that decision does not detrimentally affect that person’s physical, mental, financial, or emotional capacity. But, when a single individual goes off and makes a decision that would put them both in jeopardy, then Houston, we definitely have a problem. Decision-making processes are a unified effort and are not conclusive to a one-size-fits-all or depend on a single person in the relationship making decisions independently. I mean, doesn’t independent decision-making indicate that no one else is involved or will be affected.

    Vigorous and quality relationships and friendships add to life satisfaction. These supportive and trusting relationships and friendships are those that people will effortlessly sustain and fight for. The parties involved would never allow a third party to come in and disrespect or bad-mouth their friend or romantic partner, or spouse. Healthy relationships are those with unbreakable bonds. No one person has priority or authority over the other person respectively. However, it goes without saying that even stable affiliations and alliances go through tumultuous discord or emotional turbulence. In sum, they fight and have disagreements. But they find ways to mend their vexation and problems. In most healthy relationships, partners and friendships fight fair. They don’t hit below the belt. They don’t threaten separation, irreconciliation, or violence. They work it out, whereas the end results benefit both parties involved.

    What if the bad stack up against the good? Then what? Does that mean you are in a toxic relationship of friendship? Does this mean that your connections are unhealthy or dissatisfying? Most persons would suggest that it does. Nonetheless, it all depends. 

    Some of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship are when you have a partner that is manipulative, controlling, dishonest, insecure, and codependent. An unwholesome relationship tends to be lopsided. It is a dissociative bond on one part. One person tends to get the bulk of abuse, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Moreover, they also tend to carry the most weight in the relationship or friendship. Some characteristics defining unhealthy behavior or actions in relationships or friendships are as follows:

    A Manipulative individual is characterized by scrupulous power over a situation or person. The hegemony act is used as a method to feel superior while subjecting others or something to an inferiority disposition.

    A Controller is a person who has direct control over all situations, circumstances, and persons in his or her life. These persons take full responsibility over finances, relationships, business ventures, friendships, among other things. Controllers avoid relationships with other controlling individuals and essentially associate themselves with subservient, submissive, can take orders, or follow their lead. Let’s not confuse a controller as being a leader, whereas leaders possess great qualities where the benefits are spread evenly among group members. A controller does not care about the interest of others where he or she reap the majority of the benefits or engage in activities that are more likely to stroke their ego or even place them under a luminous light. 

    Dishonesty essentially refers to intentional deceitfulness and fraudulence. In a single adjective, deliberate duplicity act or behavior means being a liar, fake, phony, and falsifier. In relationships, partners may lie, not realizing the consequences that fib could potentially have on the relationship. Being dishonest in a relationship jeopardizes both trust and respect. 

    Insecurity is related to a person who lacks self-confidence or self-assurance. These are persons who are uncertain about who they are and their worth. They are also frequently and silently anxious. This type of personal characteristic is stemmed from childhood upbringing, critical parents, previous experiences, loneliness, rejection, past trauma, and self-doubt. Insecure individuals tend to possess an insecure attachment style, thus being anxious, avoidant, and fearfully-avoidant. One major characteristic associated with insecure attachment is disorganization and ambivalence.

    Codependency is when an individual develops an increased emotional or psychological dependence or reliance on the other partner. This could me mandating needed support under various situations and circumstances.

    If a person possesses any of these characteristics, then the situation needs to be addressed and soon. Most persons may be afraid to say something, whereas they sweep the problem under the rug, turn the other cheek, or simply fail to acknowledge or reveal that they are experiencing relational mayhem. They are afraid to speak up, which only suggests that they have become voiceless, reticent in their partnership. They have become misplaced and perplexed.

    There are numerous relationships globally where interrelational partners and friends sit down and generate a list related to the qualities and adversities where the bad outweighs the good. Don’t get me wrong, there are also a plethora of relationships and friendships that are authentic or organic, and that is lovely. Absolutely amazing. This is not to suggest that relationships and friends are perfect, probably far from it. It just means that you have developed a trusting, respectful, and honest bond. One that cannot be broken no matter who comes or go. 

    Being in a relationship where the bad outweighs the good means that the associations need work. Otherwise, it will result in everlasting mental and relational detriments. So, the next time you think about your relationships, sit down and make a list. Have your partner or friend(s) make one as well and make a comparison. Doing this activity can become an underlying method to improve the quality of your relationships, whereas the “bad outweighing the good” can find a significant resolve.

  • Final Days

    Have you ever really sat back and thought about what your final days would look like or whether you had a day in your last days on earth, let along your final resting space? I have. 

    Just a few months ago, I sat down and had a conversation with my daughter about death. I told her that if for any reason I ended up in the hospital on my death bed and doctors told her, my son, or husband, that there was nothing else that they could do for me and that I would die eventually, I wanted her to make the decision to immediately pull the plug, no life support for me. No DNR on my behalf. I also stated that if there were a chance of my survival, but the outcome would leave me in a vegetated state, I do not want to live in that capacity, and I would NOT, under any circumstances, want to be a burden to her and her brother, nor my husband. I’d rather Die with Dignity, as opposed to slipping away knowing that I will be burdensome to my children or other family members. I would rather Die with Dignity, knowing that close relatives have a long life ahead of them and that my condition was holding them back from reaching their full potential and living their life to the fullest. 

    Death with Dignity is defined as terminally-ill persons requesting and receiving euthanization from a licensed medical practitioner with legal rights to administer such medication. It is a painless form of early and voluntary expiration. The process is deliberate and irreversible. This procedure is available to persons who are subjected to incurable diseases and not those who suffer from chronic pain or some other form of illness. A licensed medical doctor determines whether patients qualify for such treatment. The treatment would rarely be offered. It is also a rarity that the treatment is requested. Patients become aware of such physician-assistive dying practices and procedures through specialty clinics, those in which they themselves or their family members may seek and find.

    The Death with Dignity Act (DDA) is legal in various U.S. states, i.e., California, Oregon, District of Columbia, Maine, Hawaii, Vermont, Washington, Colorado, New Mexico, Montana, and New Jersey, and various countries, 28 countries to be exact, those including Spain, Australia, Belgium, Canada, the Netherlands, Uruguay, just to name a few. Other U.S. states and countries are slowly adopting the DDA, thus implementing physician-assistant dying practices into laws. However, it is a known fact that terminally-ill persons will travel from non-physician-assistant-dying states or countries to states or countries where such a method has been legalized. One fundamental reason a terminally ill person seeks such assistance is to essentially “die with dignity.” This means not reaching a point in their lives where they can no longer take care of themselves entirely or becoming solely dependent on others for the caregiving and daily essential activities and exercises.

    It is incontestable most terminally ill patients have raised their children to the best of their ability but, does this mean that their children are responsible for returning the favor. It is inevitable that you will come into this world in infant form, not do for yourself and depend on others to feed, bathe, and clothe you. However, is that how older adults wish to go out in this world, with a lack of dignity and self-sovereignty or autonomy.

    Most people would likely agree that going out of this world in a desolate and despondent manner is not at the top of their list. Correspondingly, they would also forego the option of being a burden to others, particularly family members. Nevertheless, most family members are the persons that will have your best interest at heart and provide quality care, even if they have not undergone any professional training to obtain certification or license. Moreover, terminally ill persons are more likely to live with relatives and not in assistive-living community-dwellings. More importantly, the reason for familial in-home care is due to the fees associated with assistive-living facilities for seniors, as most persons or families cannot afford these services, and insurance may not cover treatments as such. Respectively, most people or families who could afford to place their parents or terminally ill family member, senior or not, may not gain comprehension of the mental and emotional drainage and strains that family caregivers endure. 

    Ascertaining a healthy cognitive state, terminally-ill individuals have the mental capacity to take it upon themselves to make their own end-of-life decisions or have some say in how things will be done or won’t be done. It’s understood that partaking in the euthanasia process can be psychologically complexing and may go against family morals, values, and beliefs. In some countries, it is the younger family member’s duty to take care of their elderly parents or grandparents. However, is this a primary contributor to some young women’s lack of education or life success?

    This is not to suggest that terminally-ill laypersons should seek physician-assistive expiry. Afterall, living to one’s fullest is the ultimate goal of actually living a full and satisfying life. It is to point out that most incurably and adversely ill persons would rather die with dignity. It is to posit that taking care of a sickly person is not easy. This goes for family members or those licensed and certified care professionals. You must be mentally, emotionally, and physically robust and unwavering. Taking care of others who fall into a fragile and dependent state is a tough job. Let no one tell you differently. It implicitly and explicitly takes a significant toll on a caregiver’s personal well-being and happiness. It could even drastically affect their health, as in frequent cases, caregivers forget to take care of themselves, thus engaging in self-care activities.

    So, come your final days, there is a wealth of information to consider. Make decisions now, financially, and how and where you want to occupy your final resting place. Engage in the decision-making processes that have to do with your last days. Make choices. Talk about your death with family members. Death is the most highly avoided conversation ever because people are uncomfortable talking about the inevitable, “death.” As I stated before, if I become susceptible to being in a vegetated state or fall terminally ill, I highly recommend my family members honor my wishes. 

    What about you? What are your end-of-life wishes? Have you really taken the time to consider it?

  • The Weekend

    Usually when the weekend come around everyone gets extremely excited. YAY, OFF WORK UNTIL MONDAY MORNING!

    On weekends, its when most restaurants/diners/cafes, movie theaters, shopping malls, parks and other outdoor entertainment environments are the busiest, just to name a few. On weekends people come out in droves, young thru senior. Weekends are times where people can catch up with others to see how their week went, or not, or how they expect the upcoming week to go, or not. Weekends from Friday to Sunday is when most people travel from state to state or from country to country.

    However, how often do you experience leisure on the weekend, especially for parent with children, who have to wait on them hand and foot, catch up on laundry and other house chores, do shopping for the next week. They may also have to take their children to an extracurricular activities, ballet, baseball, soccer, cheerleading practice, basketball, or what have you. Is this really considered leisure. Even on vacation where parent often take their children. Still, is that really leisure or a ‘family vacation”. Because parents are frequently monitoring their child’s comings and goings, even in a totally different space, environment, state, or even country, is running behind children fun. I don’t have any small children anymore, as my children are now adults. But when I look back on taking vacation, I just mostly found ways to entertain the children and not myself.

    For those parents and non-parents, vacationing can really mean vacating. Sitting poolside enjoying the sun, beach, and sipping on bottomless pina coladas, mai tais, mimosa, or whatever you drink preference may be, whereas vacating it will be some far from a virgin daiquiri. Going and coming as you please without worrying about where the children are or what they are doing or are they safe, is essentially defined as parental or non-parent leisure. It is also called a temporary escape from reality.

    Ok, getting off the vacation and back to the topic at hand, the weekend. How would you describe your weekends, whether they start Friday evening or in the middle of what society titles, “a normal work week”?

    Do you take this opportunity to sleep in a few extra hours?

    Do you stay up after hours? Or let you kids stay up past their set bedtime?

    Do you watch your favorite movies, or binge watch your favorite sitcom?

    Do you take the time to exercise or engage in other healthy activities or self-care?

    For food and caloric conscious eaters. On the weekends, do you watch what you eat or do you stick to a healthy meal regime? Or do you have the slice of cake, pie, ice cream, or other dessert that you’ve been craving?

    On weekends is this when your alcohol consumption is kicked up a notch?

    Do you go on a date or take a walk in the park with your spouse, partners, or new found friends?

    Do you entertain others at your home or go to others places as a source of leisure or entertainment? This could be a restaurant, whereas you are giving yourself a break from cooking at home or treating the family out to nice dinner. Yet, still its you way of avoiding cooking where you personally can actually sit down and enjoy the meal and not have to prepare it, cook it, and clean up the mess.

    I can recall various times when I was always the last person to eat. Yes, its my fault because I tend to clean, cook, feed everyone else while I am cleaning and then I sit down and eat. I mean for me, it is disgusting to sit down at the Kitchen or dining room table knowing that I have made such mess in the kitchen and also knowing that I am the one that is responsible for cleaning it up after dinner. So, I clean first and eat laster, therefore, I do not have such big job post my meal and I can take my time to enjoy what I have prepared. Oh, with being the last person to eat also means having to nook my food in the microwave, whereas eating straightaway, fresh of the burner or out of the oven makes food taste delectable.

    Weekends are when most restaurants/diners/cafes, movie theaters, shopping malls, parks and other outdoor entertainment environments are the busiest, just to name a few. On weekends people come out in droves, those young and senior. Weekends are times where people can catch up with others and hang out, not worrying about calling it an early evening because they have to get up for working the next morning. Most adults may have a second glass of wine, at home or out in public.

    Are longer weekends any different than a shorter Friday even to Sunday evening. Probably so, where you can actually get more done and find time to engage in self-care or do things that you have always wanted to do that time didn’t allow on the weekdays or short weekends. Maybe gardening, organizing, taking a lesson or educating yourself, in the summer, taking a dip in the pool. Most importantly, thinking about nothing and finding a way to recalibrate your psychological and emotional state.

    Why is the weekend defined as being from Friday evening to Sunday evening. Why are people not allowed to chose their own two day weekend. Maybe because most of corporate America operate from Monday thru Friday, mostly from 8 to 5.

    Regardless of such, the weekend is what you make it. The weekend may be defined being from Friday evening to Sunday evening, whereas is a result of leisure time, but it all depends on what leisure time means to you as an individual. When you define your leisure time, you define your weekend no matter what day of the week it is. No matter if you are on the clock or off. Take the evening after work on a Monday-Thursday and engage in a leisure activity. This could mean going to happy hour at the bar or restaurant. Stopping off to have dinner with someone or alone. This could go for parents as well, whereas they can take turns picking the children up from school. Each person can pick their day for leisure whereas they get a couple of hours to sit back and relax and allow them to become one with self, engage in self-resonation. This does not mean neglecting wifely or husbandly duties. Yes, women like hanging out with her girls and dude like hanging out with the fellas. Use your leisure day to do that. Having leisure time does not always have to be about you taking time for oneself after the children have gone off to bed. Hell, the children came into your life and you not into theirs.

    It is understood that couple have trust issues, so to make it a leisure night, make it a couple(s) thing, whereas you two meet one night a week just to enjoy one another’s company without distractions. Yes, this even means smartphones.

    Whichever day you consider your weekend and however you spend it, Happy weekend. Or should I just say happy WEEK-END, whereas the evening of everyday is encompassed into what a weekend entail. Leisure time.

    God Bless.

    AuPearce

  • Better Health Equates to Being or Becoming a Better You, Inside and Out

    For the past couple of months of looking in the mirror I started not to like the person that was staring back at me. 

    I felt emotionally and psychologically unhealthy so, that resulted in me looking at my physical being in a disenchanting light, even when others told me that I was beautiful. I felt fat, not PHAT which is an acronym for pretty, hot, and tempting. My self-esteem has plummeted, and I am not sure how to get it back. I had started eating unhealthily, hand-tossed pizza, Belgium waffles, fried chicken, pasta, potato chips, and soda. A major consumption was alcohol, wine, margaritas, and Moscow mules, especially during the pandemic. I have stop caring about what I ate and drank. I had stop caring about my appearance. I had become a stress eater. Something that I had never understood during younger years, but now I get it. I have never been a foodie and would often skip meals, eating once daily. I am still not crazy about food but when I do eat, the meal is far from the healthiest choice. 

    I have experienced high levels of stress and anxiety. Most of which was contributing to writing a dissertation. Well at least the first three out of five chapters. More importantly, it is what has contributed to my unhealthy and unbalanced eating habits, outside of the pandemic experience, of course. I became a closet eater and drinker. I drank and ate when no one was watching, which means I was on my way done a slippery slope to becoming obese and an alcoholic. 

    Every morning as I stepped out of the shower, I examined my physique in the mirror, witnessing firsthand how my body was transitioning from this lean, protein eating machine, to this now fluffy junk eating monster. “How could you allow yourself to reach this level of self-dissatisfaction and declivitous mental state,” I asked myself repeatedly. I also queried myself about whether my current situation, outside of the academic experience, were a major contributing factor that has led me to reaching this unhealthy and voluptuous state. However, when I assessed the situation, fingers do not point to others, but points directly toward me. I brought this on myself, irrespective to whomever else was involved. This is my body. This is a vessel that only I have control over. I control over what goes in, but not necessary what comes out.

    I had gotten upset with myself. It was so easy to put the weight on but how in the hell was I supposed to get rid of this excess weight. I mean I can’t fit most of the items in my closet and have found myself rotating wears between 2 to 3 pairs of jeans, t-shirts, and wearing spandex or active wear. There are things that I can do to circumvent the situation, but why. Buying new gear would not contribute to my happiness. I am over shopping, well at least if it means buying pants or jeans one to three sizes up. Won’t happen. My financial health is important too. Additionally, it’ll be much cheaper to lose the weight so that I can fit back into what I already own. Yep, that size 25 or 2.

    Even if I do lose the weight will that enhance my self-esteem and self-satisfaction. I don’t know but it would be a start. I asked myself the question that if I lose the weight but remain in the same situation, which will outweigh the other, the situations or the weightless circumstance. Nevertheless, I decided to embark on this weight lost journey and eliminating alcohol in its entirety, at least until I reach my goal weight of 145 (now 20 pounds heavier). 

    To give myself a jump start I decided to go on a lemonade diet for ten (10) days of no eating to jumpstart my weight loss journey. Over the next two weeks I plan on engaging in cryotherapy, Cryo-slimming, and getting nutritional IV-Drips as way to ensure that I acquire the necessary nutrition that my body need to properly function, that way during the food and calorie deficit process, I don’t experience any complications. 

    To say the least, I am 4 days into this lemonade dieting process, obtained all my vitamins and minerals via IV-Drip on day 1 and I must say, I feel amazing. I am four pounds down and look forward to the end results come day 10 of which I have not decided if I will extend the process or whether I will start on a liquid diet 10 days after, only eating soups, still no solid foods. I figured 2 lbs. a day, it will take me approximately 10 days to drop the 20 pounds that I have gained. More importantly, it will take approximately 10 days for me to get back to the mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy person that I once knew. 

    For 10 days my finger will be on the reset button of my life and my overall health. This means that I will not allow anything or anyone to come between me and my self-authenticity. I choose to get back to my self-empowering, self-motivated, self-determined, and self-disciplined self. I mean no situation or circumstance deserves to have that must power over you to where you let yourself and health go astray. 

    I am on a path back to becoming my better self and to be in better health. I don’t have any health conditions, but if I would have continued to deter from the straight and narrow path I frequently traveled, who’s to say what the situation would have led to, specifically medically and psycho-pathologically. Regardless of such, it is inevitable that undesirable and unpleasant situations or circumstances will arise. However, when it comes to dealing with these conditions they will be done in a methodical manner. Comparatively and subsequently, I plan to outright avoid any negative situations or persons or those that do not contribute to my happiness and life satisfaction. I plan to and will eliminate any persons in my life that have ill-intents and are stress-inducers. I have done it before and will never have an issue with moving forward while leaving others behind. My health is important to me. I have experienced stress and it is a cognitive inhibitor. It is also something that could lead to substantial health declinations, regardless of who’s at fault. 

    All-in-All, AuPearce/Angela is on a verge of a strategic and purposeful return, mentally, physically, and emotions. I know that this rapid weight loss program may only be temporary. However, with augmenting my mental state, eating health, and exercising regularly, I am positive that I will be able to sustain my body weight goal. 

    I wish you all a healthy, happy, and prosperous life. After 10 days I will report the weight reduction, whereas today I am current down four pounds. Let’s see if we can achieve this negative twenty mark. Let see if systematic, yet arduous, reset, and not easy, button really works. 

    A continuation of the sustainability of Mentally Winning, Physically Fit, and Emotionally Intelligent.

    #positiveenergy #positivevibes #positivethinking #self-care #self-happiness #physicallyfit #emotionallystable #selflove #healtierbeing #healthyeating #healthieryou #lifesatisfaction #qualityoflife #phychologicalwellbeing #eliminatenegativeruminations