Making A List

While being in a relationship, have you ever taken the time to sit down and write out the good and bad things about your intimate partnerships and close friendships? Most people would answer no to this question. What if you took a few moments to do this now? What do you think would be the end results? Would the good outweigh the bad, or would the results be reversed?

What if the good outweighed the bad? Does this mean that you are in a healthy and satisfying relationship? Most would say, of course. But what most fail to realize is that all individuals possess distinctive meanings of what it means to be in a satisfactory romantic partnership, or even friendship, whereas characteristics shift with personalities. 

Being in a healthily and potentially long-lasting relationship or friendship means the relationship or connection needs to be equal between the two people. The decision-making process should be an even split, even if it is a compromise from time to time. Partners or friends must have compassion toward one another. They must be willing to support and look out for one’s best interest. They must have mutual and indisputable trust and respect for one another. Most importantly, each partner or friend should feel protected. 

Each partner will inevitably make decisions without consulting the other partner within the relationship. That is ok as long as that decision does not detrimentally affect that person’s physical, mental, financial, or emotional capacity. But, when a single individual goes off and makes a decision that would put them both in jeopardy, then Houston, we definitely have a problem. Decision-making processes are a unified effort and are not conclusive to a one-size-fits-all or depend on a single person in the relationship making decisions independently. I mean, doesn’t independent decision-making indicate that no one else is involved or will be affected.

Vigorous and quality relationships and friendships add to life satisfaction. These supportive and trusting relationships and friendships are those that people will effortlessly sustain and fight for. The parties involved would never allow a third party to come in and disrespect or bad-mouth their friend or romantic partner, or spouse. Healthy relationships are those with unbreakable bonds. No one person has priority or authority over the other person respectively. However, it goes without saying that even stable affiliations and alliances go through tumultuous discord or emotional turbulence. In sum, they fight and have disagreements. But they find ways to mend their vexation and problems. In most healthy relationships, partners and friendships fight fair. They don’t hit below the belt. They don’t threaten separation, irreconciliation, or violence. They work it out, whereas the end results benefit both parties involved.

What if the bad stack up against the good? Then what? Does that mean you are in a toxic relationship of friendship? Does this mean that your connections are unhealthy or dissatisfying? Most persons would suggest that it does. Nonetheless, it all depends. 

Some of the signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship are when you have a partner that is manipulative, controlling, dishonest, insecure, and codependent. An unwholesome relationship tends to be lopsided. It is a dissociative bond on one part. One person tends to get the bulk of abuse, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. Moreover, they also tend to carry the most weight in the relationship or friendship. Some characteristics defining unhealthy behavior or actions in relationships or friendships are as follows:

Manipulative individual is characterized by scrupulous power over a situation or person. The hegemony act is used as a method to feel superior while subjecting others or something to an inferiority disposition.

Controller is a person who has direct control over all situations, circumstances, and persons in his or her life. These persons take full responsibility over finances, relationships, business ventures, friendships, among other things. Controllers avoid relationships with other controlling individuals and essentially associate themselves with subservient, submissive, can take orders, or follow their lead. Let’s not confuse a controller as being a leader, whereas leaders possess great qualities where the benefits are spread evenly among group members. A controller does not care about the interest of others where he or she reap the majority of the benefits or engage in activities that are more likely to stroke their ego or even place them under a luminous light. 

Dishonesty essentially refers to intentional deceitfulness and fraudulence. In a single adjective, deliberate duplicity act or behavior means being a liar, fake, phony, and falsifier. In relationships, partners may lie, not realizing the consequences that fib could potentially have on the relationship. Being dishonest in a relationship jeopardizes both trust and respect. 

Insecurity is related to a person who lacks self-confidence or self-assurance. These are persons who are uncertain about who they are and their worth. They are also frequently and silently anxious. This type of personal characteristic is stemmed from childhood upbringing, critical parents, previous experiences, loneliness, rejection, past trauma, and self-doubt. Insecure individuals tend to possess an insecure attachment style, thus being anxious, avoidant, and fearfully-avoidant. One major characteristic associated with insecure attachment is disorganization and ambivalence.

Codependency is when an individual develops an increased emotional or psychological dependence or reliance on the other partner. This could me mandating needed support under various situations and circumstances.

If a person possesses any of these characteristics, then the situation needs to be addressed and soon. Most persons may be afraid to say something, whereas they sweep the problem under the rug, turn the other cheek, or simply fail to acknowledge or reveal that they are experiencing relational mayhem. They are afraid to speak up, which only suggests that they have become voiceless, reticent in their partnership. They have become misplaced and perplexed.

There are numerous relationships globally where interrelational partners and friends sit down and generate a list related to the qualities and adversities where the bad outweighs the good. Don’t get me wrong, there are also a plethora of relationships and friendships that are authentic or organic, and that is lovely. Absolutely amazing. This is not to suggest that relationships and friends are perfect, probably far from it. It just means that you have developed a trusting, respectful, and honest bond. One that cannot be broken no matter who comes or go. 

Being in a relationship where the bad outweighs the good means that the associations need work. Otherwise, it will result in everlasting mental and relational detriments. So, the next time you think about your relationships, sit down and make a list. Have your partner or friend(s) make one as well and make a comparison. Doing this activity can become an underlying method to improve the quality of your relationships, whereas the “bad outweighing the good” can find a significant resolve.

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