When you know that others have your back even when you are not watching or paying attention.
When you are confident and unafraid.
When you know you have a beautiful heart full of unselfish love and kindness.
When you know that God is your protector, provider, and healer.
When you know that your husband has never left your side and will forever be with you every step of the way, no matter how seamless or difficult life becomes.
When your speechlessness and absence speak volumes, overpowering any diabolical intonations or squeamish schemes and plots.
When you know what you know and don’t care about others knowing what you know, especially if others try to effortlessly disapprove or diminish your character and factual knowing.
Always know that you know what you know because, #iykyk, and there is nothing anyone can say or do to change what you know, your acquired knowledge.
For the past couple of days, I have been operating under the conditions of mentally distraughtness and functioning under disbelief. I started my day off by treating myself to breakfast. A smoked salmon bagel and scrambled eggs, if you must know. At the restaurant, I journaled and processed my thoughts and feelings to keep them from being bottled up for too long. Between client services and just before meal arrival, I sporadically and passively streamlined and used my limited social media universe as a mere distraction, scrolling through social media posts of persons I selectively followed or received notifications that they had made a new post. Most of the time, I ignored these notices because I did not care or want to be bothered, but today, I was simply looking for ways to pass the time and fast. This does not suggest that the restaurant’s atmosphere where I dined was unwelcoming or elicited depressive vibes. It was more about keeping a steady pace in life because all things pertaining to my life are still unclear, nondirectional, and inundated in mental fog and suppressed grief. However, I became bewildered and heartbroken when I came across a specific posting. My world was shaken to the core. Some suppressed emotions slipped past the preconscious gatekeeper and reached consciousness. Another tragic loss of someone I considered a dear friend and having a trusting and respectful business relationship. While my sorrow-stricken response led to reaching out to appropriate parties to confirm the loss, what was most worrisome to me were the specific persons who now have to live filled with grief, sadness, mourning, and heartbreak. This loss meant living without a husband, a father, a brother, an uncle, and a well-respected leader within an organization where all members were deemed family.
For most, losing a loved one is devastating. But losing a person amid the holiday season, suddenly and tragically, is irrefutably emotionally ruinous. This is not to diminish any hurt and pain at the onset of loss at any other time of the year because regardless of whatever day you lose a loved one, it will cause internal wounds, those that take longer to heal and those that could potentially last a lifetime. While it will seem like your life is over and has come to a screeching halt, the holidays will continue annually, faithfully, like clockwork, and mourners and griever will be forced to find ways to cope just to get through these days that are supposed to elicit holiday laughter, cheer, joy, and peace. Instead of grievers embracing such holiday greatness and positive moods, they will often find themselves self-isolating and intentionally engaging in dissociative behaviors. Even around others, they are physically present but mentally and emotionally far removed. They have a desire and urge to be alone. Griefers even aspire to dwell in their sorrow and loneliness because if they cannot spend these days with the one person they long for, they don’t want to be around anyone else.
In most cases, losing a person who you have developed a secure attachment and loving and impenetrable bond with and who has transitioned to another dimension will overwhelmingly shock your world and bring it to a complete halt. In other cases, a loss may have little to no effect on others, sparking limited emotions due to a lack of emotional connections. What this means is that with security, the pain is more piercing and penetrating. Therefore, so many things are to be considered around holidays and every day before and after. One, in particular, is acknowledging your incompetency and incompatibility in dealing with loss but also understanding that grief, mourning, and illustrations of bereavement are heterogeneous.
When knowing someone who has lost a loved one, namely those who have formed unbreakable bonds, we must respect their time, space, thoughts, and feelings. It is okay to share your condolences, even from a distance.It is even okay to stay away for a little while until the griever has the time to gather themselves and process their situation and circumstances.
Hug and console grievers only if you have already formed a secure connection with the grieving and the griever allows such contact and boundary crossing. It is important to note that grievers do not need fake or pretentious individuals in their lives at such vulnerable moments and for selfish reasons, putting on a phony façade only fictitiously demonstrating empathy and compassion when others can witness them. Therefore, it is best to keep enemies, envious persons, and naysayers out of the vicinity of the griever. Only the closest friends and family should be welcome.
Whether they cry privately or publicly, allow them to cry uninterruptedly.
If they wish to sit silently or stare into space, do interrupt.
Do not be assistant to the point of annoyance and deemed unempathetic.
Do not ask a griever for anything. More importantly, do not repetitively ask them how they are doing, if they are okay, if they have eaten, or voluntarily make or purchase their favorite meals.
Follow the griever’s lead and assist when help is requested and welcomed.
Avoid sharing memories of the loss or sentimental experiences that may cause triggers. Grievers will engage in shared and routine experiences when they are ready. So, do not force the situation.
As most grievers already know, grieving can last a little while, whereas in other cases, it can last a lifetime. So, be respectful of how a person grieves and do not assert yourself because, as mentioned earlier, all grief experiences are not the same, and each and every individual will process their grief how they see fit and not how others tell them to.
Know that holidays are the most challenging time of the year, especially when family gatherings are at the forefront and given importance.
To all persons who have experienced the loss of a loved one and are still grieving, take your time and do not rush the grief process. Do not allow others to tell you how, when, or where to grieve, mourn, or act out your bereavement. Your grief will be your personal journey, whereas you are the only person who will find ways to cope with such loss and life devastation.
Whether or not you accept it or receive it, I understand. But Merry Christmas to everyone who accepts and chooses to celebrate the holiday seasons and all those to come year-round.
Today, many people across the country are situated in homes filled with the ones they love and cherish the most. People who love them for who they are, without judgment or premeditations but unconditionally. On this day, Thanksgiving, people around the world are giving thanks. They sit around the dinner table or in group settings, sharing memorable stories and joyous experiences. Conversely, they share stories that caused them the most heartbreak and disappointment, resulting in tears and negative moods, thoughts, and emotions.
Most people think Thanksgiving is simply about giving thanks, but this day is designed for self-reflection. It is also intended to remind people across the globe to forgive and even forget. Forgiving does not mean you have to reenter unwanted or toxic relationships. Forgiving simply means that you have contentiously continued your life without some individuals.
Too often, people suppress their feelings due to the fear of facing traumatic experiences that will result in them shedding tears or being angry. People fail to forgive others for their wrongdoing and neglect, allowing those past situations to forever cast a thick dark shadow over their lives in ways that prevent them from seeing the light of situations or the good in individuals. Situations that cause them to project their negative energy on others due to its overwhelmingness. They become grudgeful, heartless, unempathetic, emotionally unavailable, and cannot show compassion. In all truth, people who do not have anything to be thankful for are broken beyond repair. Broken to the point where no one and no situation can repair them, even if it takes a lifetime. They embrace resentment and never forgive, but they also fail to consider the fact that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.
So, for this day, I beg everyone to forgive. I ask everyone to come to peace with oneself. Inner peace is something everyone deserves and can be one of the best and most self-fulfilling feelings in the world as long as you know how to accept and disapprove of anything that affects such emotional feelings.
Inner peace can happen to anyone outside of achieving any other life accomplishment.
Even if it means conversing with yourself privately and pretending the person who has done you wrong is sitting right in front of you. Release, let go, and share your thoughts, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Get them out because keeping them in is only causing more damage than good and will only damage and harm future relationships and interactions.
Today, on Thanksgiving, and every day after—for the rest of your life, free yourself from negative thoughts and emotions. Self-reflect and be thankful. Give yourself grace. Release all the bottled-up feelings you have been suppressing for years or your entire life. Cry, shout, and scream as loud as you can, regardless of who’s watching. You deserve personal freedom. When you “let go and let God,” it sets the path that allows you to live freely and unhinged.
Regardless of all you have accomplished throughout the years, surround yourself with the people you love the most. Not just on Thanksgiving but year-round. In doing so, be sure that the persons you surround yourself with reciprocate such feelings and emotions. If they do not, do not hesitate to correct the situation even if it means specific individuals become distant relatives, friends become foes or strangers, or persons who have intentionally or unintentionally, or even suspiciously withered away and fallen into the dark background or a branch that has fallen off your deeply rooted tree. Find and maintain your inner peace. Be thankful and joyous. From here on out, be intentional and deliberate in your actions and behaviors. Even if you are spending Thanksgiving alone, voluntarily or involuntarily, this is your way of getting back to yourself, self-reflecting, and evaluating the reality of life, love, death, friendships, family, and all persons you want to respectfully involve in your life and knowing that they too wholeheartedly and undoubtedly want you in their lives as well.
Outside of giving thanks around the dinner table, use this time to share information or ask questions that fall outside the scope of Thanksgiving. Ask yourself, “What is one thing you have regretted your entire life?” But also divulge intimate details of how you will address the situation moving forward because what is more concerning is your hidden regrets have ultimately dampened your mood and spirit. Addressing such regrets now will make you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
I wish you all the best.
Huge hugs to the persons you love and are thankful for.
But more importantly, hug the persons you feel need it the most. In rare cases, these could be strangers or persons you have known for a lifetime.
If no one has told you already, YOU are magnificent, beautiful, brave, courageous, inspiring, talented, perspicacious, resilient, and demonstrate the qualities to persevere.
You are in control of your own destiny.
Allow no one to deter or steer you wrong or down paths filled with turmoil, disappointment, and unnecessary obstacles.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all. More specifically, Happy Thanksgiving to all persons who have positively influenced my life and assisted and supported me in overcoming tumultuous and devastating situations, difficult times, and many unforeseen circumstances. THANK YOU to all persons who have been my teachers, motivators, leaders, positive reinforcers, cheerleaders, my rocks, emotional foundation, and support system, and those who have principally guided me in and out of uncharted territory in ways that can help me reposition and find my place in life.
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, THANK YOU AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Today, I say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my husband, Eric—the love of my life.
The one human being who will forever have my heart.
I send these birthday wishes hoping and praying that today is one of the most happiest days of your life and that you spend this day with all persons with which you have established quality connections.
I know you are still within and around me, protecting, balancing, guiding, and grounding me. Your everlasting presence is what I live for. Knowing you are still by my side, I will continue to celebrate your birthday and the day I have proclaimed your day. Today, you get to do any and everything you choose, even if it means doing nothing at all.
Today, I love you more than I loved you yesterday, and my love for you strengthens each second, minute, and hour of the day. I will never forget and cherish the time we shared.
For most, birthdays are another special day, but today, I celebrate your birthday differently. I celebrate your birthday selfishly, only wanting it to be you and me, not wanting to share you with anyone else. But because I am forced to share you with the universe, I still celebrate you and only you on this day.
I miss you with every fiber of my being. I am still in love with you and will forever love you wholeheartedly. Know that no one in this world could ever take your place.
To my dearly and spiritually beloved husband, Happy Birthday.
Today is my eighth wedding anniversary, and I still love my husband more than ever.
I still remember the day we met some 11 years ago.
At the onset of our relationship, we developed a loving, trusting, and unbreakable bond that no one could ever penetrate.
Many wished us angst, heartbreak, despair, and emotional turmoil because most people thrived on seeing you miserable.
Envious and jealous creatures try to diminish the strength and character of our relationship, but we know our truths. We know our hearts, and now, we know our souls and spirits.
I am forever grateful that God allowed me to be part of your life. I witnessed firsthand and substantially contributed to you reaching your fullest potential and achieving your highest points of happiness. I will never forget you telling me how it took me coming into your life for you to experience and feel authentic love, support, compassion, and dedication and that you would have never guessed in a million years that it would emanate from someone so different.
I will perpetually maintain our pact of me and you against the world and will protect you.
I love you through both our tears and fears.
I will forever love you beyond the skies and into the heavens.
I will forever cherish your touch, laugh, the sound of your voice, and lovemaking.
I will forever cherish your cuddles, sweet kisses, desire for flesh-to-flesh contact, and handholding even while we overlap in the bed beside each other.
I feel you holding me and watching over me while I lay sleeping.
I feel your existence everywhere I go. I feel your protection.
I see you pacing back and forth in your office.
To my husband, you will always be my everything. You will always have my heart and every piece of me.
If God would honor my wishes and bartering, I would give up everything.
I genuinely love and miss you. However, I know you never left me. I just wish you would appear from time to time so that I can see your amazingly handsome face.
To my husband, today I wish you a happy wedding anniversary and pray that you remain happy and at peace and surrounded by only people who love and care about you.
Tell everyone I said hello and I will see you soon.
Au'Pearce 