For the past couple of months of looking in the mirror I started not to like the person that was staring back at me.
I felt emotionally and psychologically unhealthy so, that resulted in me looking at my physical being in a disenchanting light, even when others told me that I was beautiful. I felt fat, not PHAT which is an acronym for pretty, hot, and tempting. My self-esteem has plummeted, and I am not sure how to get it back. I had started eating unhealthily, hand-tossed pizza, Belgium waffles, fried chicken, pasta, potato chips, and soda. A major consumption was alcohol, wine, margaritas, and Moscow mules, especially during the pandemic. I have stop caring about what I ate and drank. I had stop caring about my appearance. I had become a stress eater. Something that I had never understood during younger years, but now I get it. I have never been a foodie and would often skip meals, eating once daily. I am still not crazy about food but when I do eat, the meal is far from the healthiest choice.
I have experienced high levels of stress and anxiety. Most of which was contributing to writing a dissertation. Well at least the first three out of five chapters. More importantly, it is what has contributed to my unhealthy and unbalanced eating habits, outside of the pandemic experience, of course. I became a closet eater and drinker. I drank and ate when no one was watching, which means I was on my way done a slippery slope to becoming obese and an alcoholic.
Every morning as I stepped out of the shower, I examined my physique in the mirror, witnessing firsthand how my body was transitioning from this lean, protein eating machine, to this now fluffy junk eating monster. “How could you allow yourself to reach this level of self-dissatisfaction and declivitous mental state,” I asked myself repeatedly. I also queried myself about whether my current situation, outside of the academic experience, were a major contributing factor that has led me to reaching this unhealthy and voluptuous state. However, when I assessed the situation, fingers do not point to others, but points directly toward me. I brought this on myself, irrespective to whomever else was involved. This is my body. This is a vessel that only I have control over. I control over what goes in, but not necessary what comes out.
I had gotten upset with myself. It was so easy to put the weight on but how in the hell was I supposed to get rid of this excess weight. I mean I can’t fit most of the items in my closet and have found myself rotating wears between 2 to 3 pairs of jeans, t-shirts, and wearing spandex or active wear. There are things that I can do to circumvent the situation, but why. Buying new gear would not contribute to my happiness. I am over shopping, well at least if it means buying pants or jeans one to three sizes up. Won’t happen. My financial health is important too. Additionally, it’ll be much cheaper to lose the weight so that I can fit back into what I already own. Yep, that size 25 or 2.
Even if I do lose the weight will that enhance my self-esteem and self-satisfaction. I don’t know but it would be a start. I asked myself the question that if I lose the weight but remain in the same situation, which will outweigh the other, the situations or the weightless circumstance. Nevertheless, I decided to embark on this weight lost journey and eliminating alcohol in its entirety, at least until I reach my goal weight of 145 (now 20 pounds heavier).
To give myself a jump start I decided to go on a lemonade diet for ten (10) days of no eating to jumpstart my weight loss journey. Over the next two weeks I plan on engaging in cryotherapy, Cryo-slimming, and getting nutritional IV-Drips as way to ensure that I acquire the necessary nutrition that my body need to properly function, that way during the food and calorie deficit process, I don’t experience any complications.
To say the least, I am 4 days into this lemonade dieting process, obtained all my vitamins and minerals via IV-Drip on day 1 and I must say, I feel amazing. I am four pounds down and look forward to the end results come day 10 of which I have not decided if I will extend the process or whether I will start on a liquid diet 10 days after, only eating soups, still no solid foods. I figured 2 lbs. a day, it will take me approximately 10 days to drop the 20 pounds that I have gained. More importantly, it will take approximately 10 days for me to get back to the mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy person that I once knew.
For 10 days my finger will be on the reset button of my life and my overall health. This means that I will not allow anything or anyone to come between me and my self-authenticity. I choose to get back to my self-empowering, self-motivated, self-determined, and self-disciplined self. I mean no situation or circumstance deserves to have that must power over you to where you let yourself and health go astray.
I am on a path back to becoming my better self and to be in better health. I don’t have any health conditions, but if I would have continued to deter from the straight and narrow path I frequently traveled, who’s to say what the situation would have led to, specifically medically and psycho-pathologically. Regardless of such, it is inevitable that undesirable and unpleasant situations or circumstances will arise. However, when it comes to dealing with these conditions they will be done in a methodical manner. Comparatively and subsequently, I plan to outright avoid any negative situations or persons or those that do not contribute to my happiness and life satisfaction. I plan to and will eliminate any persons in my life that have ill-intents and are stress-inducers. I have done it before and will never have an issue with moving forward while leaving others behind. My health is important to me. I have experienced stress and it is a cognitive inhibitor. It is also something that could lead to substantial health declinations, regardless of who’s at fault.
All-in-All, AuPearce/Angela is on a verge of a strategic and purposeful return, mentally, physically, and emotions. I know that this rapid weight loss program may only be temporary. However, with augmenting my mental state, eating health, and exercising regularly, I am positive that I will be able to sustain my body weight goal.
I wish you all a healthy, happy, and prosperous life. After 10 days I will report the weight reduction, whereas today I am current down four pounds. Let’s see if we can achieve this negative twenty mark. Let see if systematic, yet arduous, reset, and not easy, button really works.
A continuation of the sustainability of Mentally Winning, Physically Fit, and Emotionally Intelligent.
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